Week 2. Farm. Outdoor fun. Our as of YET un-named weekly adventure.
Word of the week: DISAPPOINTING. DISCOURAGING. FRUSTRATING.
Zion didn’t want to play so we missed our little friend and tour guide. Our ever faithful friend Layla (I think the dog’s name is??) came and went. Crouching and waiting for us to throw sticks.
Then we got to our fort. Disaster. There were holes in the structure. Poles were on the ground and all the reinforcing pine branches we used were scattered. The needles were everywhere. Sad. All that work.
Ranen figures the goats had some fun with our structure. Little jerks. She had some time alone in the woods and delivered some choice words to them.
We took what remained down and started over. Well, not over. We had the advantage of all the area we’d cleared and all the branches we had dragged over. I, the parent, the perspective, the encourager . . . was surprised at how hard Ranen took this. I wanted to plough forward. We’re good. No biggie. Let’s move on. Look at all these supplies ready to go!
She needed time.
I panicked. Inside I panicked. I always do a little every time my kids don’t bounce back immediately. I worry that they’ll quit. That we’re done. That they won’t recover.
But my young wrestler just needed to wrestle. And I had to be patient and keep my mouth shut. She recovered with new ideas and a lot of energy.
We chose a new structure. But first let me say, we brought tools. A tiny hand saw, 2 different kinds of rope, 2 jack knives (one was more like a fancy nail clipper. It shall not be brought again), and a first aid kit. We are developing our outdoor kit. I’m sure we could google it, but each week, we are adding a few things.
We carved points to the ends of some sticks. We saw this on the show “Alone.” We don’t know the name of this technique but we are doing it. It will reinforce our fort walls. Ranen wants an a-frame door (also learned from the show “Alone”) so we will leave a space for that.
We used a rock as a hammer to pound the stakes into the ground. I used my foot to split one of the rotten logs. Surprise, surprise, it worked quicker and easier than I thought, except one side of the log came up and smacked me on the side of my face. No need to tap out (“Alone” reference yes?). I saw no stars or blackness. Just a little humility I needed to learn. Caution. Thoughtfulness.
Ranen imagines carving bowls and weaving baskets by a fire (as well as tobogganing??) in the woods during winter. We haven’t gotten to lighting a fire yet. It will come.
Oh yeah. And we fed the goats separate from the sheep. Chickens were ticked off at their late breakfast but forgave us. And a cat followed us and then ran away. Ranen talked cat to it and it hissed a little and meowed back. We found an anthill and Justice found a bug that we think eats mosquitos but we don't know what it is.
It is strange to me how I minimize my daughter’s ups and downs, while I meet my own setbacks with feelings of devastation. I find life excruciating. I feel too many feelings. I take on too many ideas. I let it land on my back and I fall down underneath it. Sometimes I stay down for a long, long time.
I got a tattoo last year that says “breathe.” Just breathe. Just now I stopped typing and looked out my window into the hills and trees and sky out my back window. Life is FILLED with UPS and DOWNS. I know. I wrote a book about it. And I wrote a song that says “Hard and easy, happy and sad. Life has both and aren’t you glad that it’s not just easy, peasy, lemon, squeezy, I don’t know if you’ll believe, but it’s ok for things to go bad - cause roses have thorns and thorns . . . they have roses.”
It’s so funny to believe something and feel none of it. I think though, I’d like my beliefs to over-run my feelings. Feelings are so big and I’m old. I’m the age that I thought I should have a handle on my feelings. I should have learned. Learned what? Learned not to have feelings?
Maybe I’m thinking that when you’re in the woods and your fort is destroyed, you need time, space, freedom to say the angry words, and hope to come back to. But I think it’s extra hard if you have to do it alone.
I need people to help me when my forts get broken by stupid goats. I think about that a lot these days. We all do. Life is full of disappointments. It’s so beautiful to have people in our lives to witness these and hold hope for us when we are yelling our guts out at the goats. And they don’t judge us. They are just there. You know if you have them. You know if you are one.
When disappointment meets containers of hope. New forts get built.
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